Amazon has established itself as the go-to source for everything from entertainment (books,China movies, and Kindles) to the less-everyday items, i.e. novelty signs, questionably legal consumables, and cat appeasing pheromones. And since this near limitless marketplace is just a mere click away, users have come to rely on reviews from fellow online shoppers to separate the crème from the crap. But inevitably, as must happen to all things on the Internet, Amazon's customer reviews are on occasion hijacked by smartasses.
One of the earliest examples of this phenomenon was the review section for a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk. Since 2006, the otherwise unremarkable gallon of milk has gone on to inspire thousands of largely disassociate reviews, such as this commentary from user Alexander Strommen: "I was in Tuscany recently, and despite my sincerest efforts, was unable to sight any Tuscan Wholes. Given the rarity of this creature, I find it hard to believe that anyone has managed to domesticate them, let alone convince them to give milk." There was also user Clinton H. Weir's warning that "this milk might be TOO good. If you ever get two gallons of the stuff in one room, existence might promptly disappear."
What these reviews lack in helpfulness they make up for in gleeful goofiness. For its part, Amazon hasn't tried to dissuade this phenomenon, as these self-generating memes can actually increase sales. For example, when an unexceptional graphic T-shirt featuring three howling wolves caught the ire of the sarcastic community in 2008, it went on to become one of the top selling pieces of apparel on Amazon that year.
As we get closer to the holiday shopping season, it's refreshing that some of those among us are less concerned about being jolly elves and would rather embody a snarky troll. We can all use the laugh during the stressful holiday season and we hope that these top Amazon product reviews below will make you smirk. Since these are direct quotes, you can naturally assume there's a blanket [sic] throughout the text below.
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