【monks and eroticism】

Warning: Contains loads of spoilers for Game of ThronesSeason 7,monks and eroticism and some hopelessly dodgy predictions for Season 8.

Well, here we are: the absolute worst part of the year. The longest possible time until Game of Thronescomes back into to our empty, dragon-free lives.

SEE ALSO: 36 of the most memorable 'Game of Thrones' one-liners so far

If you've read any of my previous Game of Thronesarticles, you'll know two things: 1) I'm a hopelessly obsessed individual who lives life largely through fictional television characters, and 2) I love making futile predictions about what those characters will do next.

I did it before the Season 7 finale, and I got a solid 5.5 out of 9 predictions correct. That's like a 61% success rate.

Anyway, in an attempt to stave off the yawning void of hopelessness that's descended now that Season 7 is over, I've made a whole bunch more. I can't guarantee any of them will come true, but I canpromise you one thing: there's a vague chance some of them might.

From cunning assassinations to dragon-based adventures, here are my Season 8 predictions...

1. Theon will give his life to rescue Yara

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I read a post on Reddit recently arguing that Theon is now essentially the drowned god. And although he doesn't have superpowers, it sort of makes sense right? He got fished out of the water earlier on in Season 7, and his fight in the finale showed us he's now basically indestructible.

So what's left for his character in the final season? Well, the arch that would make the most sense is some kind of final redemption. The last time we saw Theon he was setting off to rescue Yara, and I think he's got a good chance of succeeding. He may have to kill his uncle first, and he may give his life while doing it, but in the end I think Theon will redeem himself before the sea claims him.

2. Cleganebowl WILL DEFINITELY HAPPEN this time

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When Season 6 finished I made a prediction that Cleganebowl would happen in Season 7. Then the Season 7 trailer came out and I predicted it wouldn't happen, and then just before the finale I predicted it would again. I've been back and forth. This time, though, there's no ambiguity: after the Hound squared up to the Mountain in last Sunday's episode, I'm confident that Cleganebowl willdefinitely take place in Season 8.

Surely it's the only way their storylines can end?

3. Arya will kill Melisandre...

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Now that Littlefinger has been taken care of, Arya is sort of wasted back at Winterfell. She needs to resume work on her list, asap. And now that we know Cersei is definitely going to be an idiot and double-cross Daenerys, it makes sense for Arya to go back into assassin mode. If I had to bet money, I'd say she'll start making her way South again near the start of Season 8 to try and get to the Queen.

The thing is, Cersei isn't the only one still on her list. At one point Melisandre was, too. If the Red Queen's remark to Varys about dying in Westeros is true, it means the Red Queen will be killed in Season 8.

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If Arya catches wind that she's in the area, maybe she'll be the one to do it?

4. ...And maybe Cersei.

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I can't make up my mind about this one. On the one hand, Maggy the Frog's prophecy (all of which has come true so far) suggests that Jaime or Tyrion will kill Cersei. On the other hand, there's been a theory floating around for awhile that Arya will do it while disguised as a Lannister.

Now that Jaime is on the Stark's side, could she take his (or Tyrion's) face in order to get close to Cersei? That way the prophecy would still sort of be fulfilled, but it would also give Arya a fitting conclusion to her badass assassin's arch.

5. Daenerys will become pregnant with Jon Snow's child

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"The dragons are my children," says Daenerys to Jon Snow in episode 6. "They're the only children I'll ever have."

Now in the world of Game of Thrones, no line of dialogue is there by accident. And when you add in Tyrion's speech to Daenerys about the importance of finding a successor, it feels like the showrunners might be hinting at something.

Daenerys discovering she's pregnant in the final Season -- ensuring the continuation of the Targaryen line -- seems like a highly possible conclusion...

6. The final battle will take place at Winterfell

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Winterfell is the place where everything began, so it seems like a fitting location for things to end. It makes sense logistically, too -- the White Walkers are likely to get held up near the Wall for awhile, but Winterfell is the first big stronghold they'll come up against on their journey south.

It's also the place most of the main characters are on their way to at the moment -- the perfect place to make a final stand...

7. Jon Snow will ride a dragon...

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This seems absolutely inevitable. The prophecy Daenerys received in the House of the Undying spoke of a dragon with "three heads", after all; so far we have Daenerys on one, and the Night King on the other. Which dragon-taming secret Targaryen do we know who's most likely to ride the third?

8. ...And will die (for good, this time)

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Here's how I see things going with Jon Snow in the final Season:

1. He reaches Winterfell with his newfound love, only to be cheerfully told by Bran that she's his Aunt.

2. He falls out with Sansa and his fellow Northerners over his decision to bend the knee.

3. This, coupled with the fact they're related, puts a huge strain on Daenerys and Jon's relationship.

4. In the final battle at Winterfell, Daenerys and Drogon take on the Night's King and Viserion. Jon Snow flies in on Rhaegal at the last minute and kills the Night King, but dies in the process.

Ultimately, Jon Snow was brought back to life for a purpose, which is presumably to save the world of men and continue his bloodline. Once he's completed those things, it makes sense for him to return to the Lord of Light. Sorry, Jon.

9. Daenerys will change everything

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This will be the "bittersweet" ending Martin has referenced in the past. The war against the Night's King will be won, but Jon Snow will be dead. Daenerys will look around at the wreck of post-war Westeros and realise she doesn't want that world for her unborn child.

She'll destroy the Iron Throne, and in the final stages of Season 8 she'll announce her intentions to build a new society.

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