【A Male Friend Who Spins it Around】

This is A Male Friend Who Spins it Aroundthe third story in a five-partserieson how to find the safest places on the internet for kids.

Screen time angst seems to embody all modern parenting anxieties rolled into one, with concerns around everything from bullying to educational value to mental health.

To gauge these anxieties, Mashable and What to Expect (which are both owned by J2 Global) surveyed more than 1,700 moms and pregnant women, asking them how they felt about their own screen time use, what rules they had in place for their kids, and what they worried about when it came to their kids’ current and future screen time. The majority of respondents who were already moms had kids younger than 5, so we focused our analysis on them and women who were pregnant.

We found that 69 percent of moms with kids under 5 reported feeling guilty about their own device use and 68 percent wished they used their phones less.

Nearly half of the moms who reported feeling guilty about their own tech use said they worried about neglecting their family members, and 29 percent reported that they felt guilty for "not being productive" while they used their devices.

“Feeling guilty is just part of parenting,” said Sierra Filucci, the editorial director of Common Sense Media, a non-profit that evaluates entertainment and technology options for kids and families. “It doesn’t surprise me that parents have a generalized sense of anxiety around little kids and screens and they’re not sure exactly why they’re bad, but they sort of know that they’re bad.”

Our respondents also reported worrying about the negative effects of screen time on their children even as they felt confident they'd be able to follow official guidelines about appropriate amounts of screen time.

Filucci recommends keeping in mind that the relationship between a parent or caregiver and a child is the most important thing, especially for kids younger than 5. In that context, if you’re feelinglike you’re not present because of your phone, that’s a good indication that you should take a break. And if you need a break in order to calm down or get something else done, then by all means, throw on Daniel Tiger.

A wide range of concerns

When it comes to worrying about their children's screen time use, moms with kids under age 5 reported concerns about a variety of effects, including that they were spending “too much time” on screens, that they could be addicted to their devices, and that their health and relationships could be compromised. So basically, pretty much everything.

Moms with babies under a year old reported significantly higher concerns about many of the negative aspects of screen time that we asked them about. Using a 1-7 scale, with 7 being "very concerned," 58 percent of those moms chose a 6 or 7 rating for their concern about screen time inhibiting their child's brain development or ability to learn. By contrast, only 32 percent of moms with kids age 1-2 rated their concern about brain development a 6 or 7.

When it came to worries about screen time negatively affecting eyesight, sleep habits, levels of physical activity, leading to sensory overload, and increasing the risk of childhood obesity, nearly twice as many moms of babies were significantly concerned compared to those with kids ages 1-2. This perhaps means that lived experience of parenting decreases these anxieties over time as families start to find their footing.

“Media is fun — games, TV shows, funny videos, TikTok memes, all of these things are fun, entertaining,” Filucci said. “Used in a balanced way [it] can be a great way for kids and parents to bond.”

Little kids, little problems

Much of the media coverage of the dangers of screen time focuses (rightly) on the particular issues caused by social media use, but those issues are worlds away from the decisions about screen time that our survey respondents were grappling with. For parents of young children, daily considerations are likely to be around what is high-quality programming (think Sesame Street) and how much of it is allowed.

More than 40 percent of moms we polled were familiar with the screen time guidelines issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics. They were updated in 2016, loosening previous recommendations of no screens of any kind for children under 2.

The old guidelines were clear, said Filucci, but as a consequence, produced a lot of guilt, since watching a show or participating in a video chat is pretty common for even very young kids.

“For a lot of parents it made everything feel a little more confusing,” Filucci says.

The new guidelines are more nuanced. Kids under 18 months should not watch screens other than video chatting, from 18-24 months they should only co-watch high-quality programming with their parents, and from ages two to five the limit is one hour of high-quality programming that should also be watched together. For older kids, the AAP recommends families create a media plan.

In their flexibility, the new guidelines impose an additional responsibility on parents and caregivers to establish rules that fit their lives and families, which can be a lot of work. However, our results indicated that moms weren't put off by the new rules.

In our survey, 68% of moms with kids under 5 and 74% of pregnant women said they thought the new AAP guidelines would be easy to follow. These respondents all rated ease of following the guidelines at 5 or above out of 7 (7 being "very easy" and 1 being "not easy at all.")

For families interested in creating a family media plan, Common Sense Media recommends a few initial steps. Try limiting the use of digital devices at certain times of day (like family dinner) or in certain spaces (such as bedrooms).

Nearly half of moms with kids ages 1-2 who responded to our survey have already set rules around TV-watching, and 56 percent have set rules around cellphone use.

As families navigate their rules around digital media, it's worth remembering that digital media and entertainment can bolster family relationships. Family movie night – or Minecraftnight – could be a way to make screen time a shared and positive experience, especially if you're watching content that's high-quality.

“Again it goes back to the relationship," said Filucci. "Those are all things that just strengthen the relationship.”

Read more from this series: 

• 4 steps to finding the safest places online for kids

• 12 of the safest places online for kids

• Young people feel conflicted about the internet and their well-being

• From gaming addict to coding student: One boy's story of taking control